Thursday, April 19, 2007

Brand New, For Your Amusement and Wonder!

Have you ever wanted to walk with the dinosaurs? I mean, on their home planet, not in some VR simulation or genetic zoo. We are talking about really walking on prehistoric earth!

Where can you do this? Why, only at the new Museum of Prehistoric Earths!

What!? No, no no. Don’t be silly. Time travel is impossible; we haven’t done some ridiculous engineering feat like that. We’ve simply created a dozen planets in earth-distance orbit around a sun-sized, yellow dwarf star and populated each earth with the genetic stock from various time periods in earth’s past.

What’s that? You won’t be able to make it for perhaps a few million years? That’s not a problem. Most of us have prior obligations. But worry not, the life forms on these planets are guaranteed to not evolve out of their current state. By using a combination of special genetic engineering (to slow the random mutation rates) and a good dose of robotic maintenance (to help ease those selective pressures the environment loves to exert) we have assured that your experience today will be identical to your experience several dozen million years from now.

So, the next time you are googleing the universe for somewhere new, unusual and exiting to visit, please consider the Museum of Prehistoric Earths!

Death packages are available upon request for those interested in voluntarily ending their lives either fully or just physically. Please consider our partner, Universal Catastrophes for their legendary solar and galactic destruction events – perfect for large groups just looking for a great way to end their existences.

1 comment:

:| said...

"Pre-cambrian earth was absolutely my favorite one. But I like spending my time in the ocean."

"Yes, that was a good earth. But I can't help but feel that the pre-cambrian earth just wasn't as accurate as Jurassic earth. I mean, yes Jurassic earth is so typical, I know. However, I just found it to be the best presented and maintained of all the earths. Plus, I love the T-Rex. Come on, admit it. That's a cool animal."

"Oh, alright. Yes, that was a really cool planet. But I just didn't find it as mentally stimulating as pre-cambrian. But hey, that's just me."